Music.

Anyone who knows me well at all knows me at all knows that i have such a huge love for music. they will also know that i love a good ol bit of rock music. I'm not saying that's wrong... i still do...

But wow... i was trying to have the spirit with me a little bit more as i was pondering something... a decision... and no music has ever helped me like listening to Hymns sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Tonight more than any night I know that the Church is true! i know that President Thomas S Monson is a True Prophet of God that leads the Church today. I KNOW that Heavenly Father Answers our prayers! maybe not how or when we want them answered... but how and when is best for us and our happiness. i KNOW that the Book Of mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ. Translated by a True Prophet of God. Joseph Smith. and i now Fully understand why when persecuted and tormented and put in jail he NEVER denied the Gospel. BECAUSE IT IS TRUE.

It is True.

Hair

i've come to the conclusion that... i dye my hair when i feel depressed... it's back to black hair for me.... haven't dyed it in like 8 months

Movies

you know the part of thos epic war movies where it's dark and grey and the fight is building up?... then suddenly there's this climactic battle and people die and then it's over and the sun comes up... and the winners walk away victorious, although they'd lost so many on the way they made it to the sunshine and there's green and smiling and happiness?..... i feel like i'm in that movie! i wish the sun would come out and i could stop mourning what i lost in the battle and get on with victory.

although... it feels like i'm only in last half of the battle.
I wish i could skip to the greenery
just fastforward the battle to the scenery


I realised today that i was so busy trying to be angry at the ones that hurt me that i never got a chance to just be.

when i looked up smiling at them, not thinking about being angry, i knew i wasn't angry... i wanted to be, now i'm just angry at myself for being such a failure that i can't be angry at her anymore for ho she hurt me.... Just hurt but not angry.

i want to fast forward the the part where i am something.

I don't Really deserve Anything Good to last...

Can We Pretend that Airplanes in the the night sky are Like Shooting Stars? i could really use a Wish right now

But Some People just make living through all that... completely Worth It!! :)

Whatever the opposite of home sick is! Sick of home?

This Time Last year i was sooo not here!.... and right now i sooo don't want to be here!...

argh!... i'm feeling like such a whiney baby but yeah.. i need to be gone for a while again! As much as i know the church is true... thought of seeing everyone every sunday... just makes the thought of staying in bed so appealing! and then i'm not teaching ysa sunday school... so i have even less motivation to go! Aaaaargh! i wish i was in a biiig ward where no one knew me and i didn't know them... we could just take each other at face value.. instead of having to talk to someone and thinking to myself.. "you're such a *insert word to describe a number of people here*" or thinking... "avoid them... i know what they said about me but if i acknowledge the fact that i know i'll have to kill them but i can't bare to talk to you and pretend it's all ok!!!"

Or wondering why they themself are talking to me when they think so badly of me?

i know it's my problem.. not theirs... but argh! Holiday please?! anyone?!

it's been a long long time!

well.. yes i've been bad again!! SHAME ON ME!! lol

well.. hmm.. lets see what has happened?

I finished College... Thank Goodness....
i got a job... starting tomorrow.... pretty suckish... i'm still hoping someone calls me and offers something better by tomorrow.... the thought of it is killing me!!!! i guess heavenly Father knows what he's doing. i just hope his plans don't include me doing this job for too long....

the weather is amazing!!!! flipping roasting... i feel like i'm in america again!... (ha yeah i wisssssh)

this place is driving me NUTS!!! i seriously need to get outta here for some time before i either go insane or kill someone!! AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!


Anyhoo.... That's it for now?!