Music.

Anyone who knows me well at all knows me at all knows that i have such a huge love for music. they will also know that i love a good ol bit of rock music. I'm not saying that's wrong... i still do...

But wow... i was trying to have the spirit with me a little bit more as i was pondering something... a decision... and no music has ever helped me like listening to Hymns sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Tonight more than any night I know that the Church is true! i know that President Thomas S Monson is a True Prophet of God that leads the Church today. I KNOW that Heavenly Father Answers our prayers! maybe not how or when we want them answered... but how and when is best for us and our happiness. i KNOW that the Book Of mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ. Translated by a True Prophet of God. Joseph Smith. and i now Fully understand why when persecuted and tormented and put in jail he NEVER denied the Gospel. BECAUSE IT IS TRUE.

It is True.

Hair

i've come to the conclusion that... i dye my hair when i feel depressed... it's back to black hair for me.... haven't dyed it in like 8 months

Movies

you know the part of thos epic war movies where it's dark and grey and the fight is building up?... then suddenly there's this climactic battle and people die and then it's over and the sun comes up... and the winners walk away victorious, although they'd lost so many on the way they made it to the sunshine and there's green and smiling and happiness?..... i feel like i'm in that movie! i wish the sun would come out and i could stop mourning what i lost in the battle and get on with victory.

although... it feels like i'm only in last half of the battle.
I wish i could skip to the greenery
just fastforward the battle to the scenery


I realised today that i was so busy trying to be angry at the ones that hurt me that i never got a chance to just be.

when i looked up smiling at them, not thinking about being angry, i knew i wasn't angry... i wanted to be, now i'm just angry at myself for being such a failure that i can't be angry at her anymore for ho she hurt me.... Just hurt but not angry.

i want to fast forward the the part where i am something.

I don't Really deserve Anything Good to last...