Dwarfsm

Sometimes Beign the Bigger Person Makes you feel Really Small!....

Oh well...

Just Venting VENTING

I've decided to start a new Blog... for the sake of Letting people know what's up when i leave...

But....

For the Sake of venting... well.. i'll still use this hahaha.....


so... yeah... i shall post the thingermajig of the new one as soon as ... well as soon as it exists!

:/ christi

So Long Sucker!

so... this last week and a bit has been eventfull....

I spent like 4 days in Dublin Visiting Katja!! she's back for good!! :D :D

then the tuesday i came back to cork and then went up that night to limerick for a fireside with the Chapmans! :D
It was crazy! it was like Pres Chapman Came there to give that talk to just me!! i think even Heavelny Father coming donw Himself to talk to me would have been More Subtle!! lol

So yeah... i realised there were changes i need to make... Luckily in His Talk Pres Chapman also spoke of blessings that put my mind at ease!

So i made the changes.... That night.... as hard as it was, it was right... Then BAM! 2 days later it was like all hell was loose on me.... this last few days have been some of the hardest ever... i actually considered Killing myself as an option... I felt betrayed and worthless... it sucked big time... then i thought to myself... why the hell am i having a harder time almost from the instant i decided to do the right thing.... i should be blessed... then i realised that Just Like Heavenly Father Speaks to us through people... Satan Does too....

So i'm Kicking his ass out the door..... and the minute i decided to forget the Crap things and people... i saw the blessings that Pres Chapman spoke about... I had a good day forgetting the bad days!

The Church is true



Christi

Music.

Anyone who knows me well at all knows me at all knows that i have such a huge love for music. they will also know that i love a good ol bit of rock music. I'm not saying that's wrong... i still do...

But wow... i was trying to have the spirit with me a little bit more as i was pondering something... a decision... and no music has ever helped me like listening to Hymns sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Tonight more than any night I know that the Church is true! i know that President Thomas S Monson is a True Prophet of God that leads the Church today. I KNOW that Heavenly Father Answers our prayers! maybe not how or when we want them answered... but how and when is best for us and our happiness. i KNOW that the Book Of mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ. Translated by a True Prophet of God. Joseph Smith. and i now Fully understand why when persecuted and tormented and put in jail he NEVER denied the Gospel. BECAUSE IT IS TRUE.

It is True.

Hair

i've come to the conclusion that... i dye my hair when i feel depressed... it's back to black hair for me.... haven't dyed it in like 8 months

Movies

you know the part of thos epic war movies where it's dark and grey and the fight is building up?... then suddenly there's this climactic battle and people die and then it's over and the sun comes up... and the winners walk away victorious, although they'd lost so many on the way they made it to the sunshine and there's green and smiling and happiness?..... i feel like i'm in that movie! i wish the sun would come out and i could stop mourning what i lost in the battle and get on with victory.

although... it feels like i'm only in last half of the battle.
I wish i could skip to the greenery
just fastforward the battle to the scenery


I realised today that i was so busy trying to be angry at the ones that hurt me that i never got a chance to just be.

when i looked up smiling at them, not thinking about being angry, i knew i wasn't angry... i wanted to be, now i'm just angry at myself for being such a failure that i can't be angry at her anymore for ho she hurt me.... Just hurt but not angry.

i want to fast forward the the part where i am something.

I don't Really deserve Anything Good to last...